Ten Years Ago, I Arrived in Berlin Without Knowing Who I Would Become

Ten years ago, I landed in Berlin at night, in the middle of winter.

It was cold, dark, and unfamiliar. I dragged my suitcase through the snow, and one of the wheels broke on the way. I remember that moment clearly — not because it was dramatic, but because it felt like a quiet sign of how unprepared I was.

I arrived with uncertainty, fear, and very little confidence.

I didn’t know how long I would stay, what I would do, or who I would become here.

Finding a Place, Finding a Beginning

I was lucky. Within two weeks, I found a shared apartment. My roommate and I became friends, and we are still in touch today. At the time, I was on a one-year working holiday visa. I told myself it was just a break — no pressure, no expectations.

I went to German classes.

I walked and biked around the city, slowly learning its rhythm.

My first summer in Berlin felt gentle and alive.

The green, the long evenings, the relaxed energy of the city — it stayed with me. I realized how much I loved summer here. It felt open, welcoming, and full of possibility.

Still, inside, I was unsettled.

 

Living With Fear and Not Knowing

Back then, I carried a lot of fear.

Fear of failure. Fear of choosing the wrong path. Fear of not belonging anywhere.

I had no clear idea what I wanted to do in Berlin.

But I knew one thing: I wanted to stay a little longer.

When my first year ended, I tried to find a job. It didn’t work out.

Instead, I applied for a freelance visa, supported by a few projects I still had from Taiwan.

That period was difficult.

I experienced two visa rejections and went through an appeal with legal help. I felt lost, insecure, and exhausted by uncertainty. My life felt suspended — always waiting, never settled.

Looking Inward

During those years, I began searching for peace in quieter ways.

I became more interested in spirituality and learning how to look inward instead of constantly seeking answers outside.

At the same time, I started experimenting with essential oils. Not with a plan, but out of curiosity and need. I was looking for something that could help calm my nervous system and bring a sense of grounding into my days. I remember being especially drawn to the combination of myrrh and frankincense. Their deep, resinous scent made me feel held and steady, particularly during meditation. It was subtle, but it helped me breathe slower and feel more at ease.

Just before the pandemic, I went to a Vipassana meditation retreat at a monastery in Thailand called Wat Pa Tam Wua, deep in the mountains. The experience was intense and quiet. It forced me to sit with myself, without distraction.

That time changed me.

It didn’t give me answers about what to do next, but it gave me clarity about what to release.

After returning, I made a conscious decision to let certain relationships and people leave my life. It wasn’t easy, but it felt necessary.

Returning During a Changed World

Then came COVID.

I was supposed to receive my visa around March 2020. After months of waiting, I finally returned to Berlin — at the end of summer — under travel restrictions. I remember wearing a mask the entire flight, the world feeling distant and fragile.

That period was chaotic, but it also shaped me.

It taught me resilience in ways I didn’t expect.

 

Where I Am Now

Somewhere along the way, I met my husband.

I built a new family and found friends who feel like home.

Last year brought many changes. I moved three times.

Life kept shifting.

I’m still in the middle of change.

There is still uncertainty. But something is different now.

I carry less fear than I did ten years ago.

I feel grateful — not because everything turned out perfectly, but because every experience shaped who I am today. Even the difficult ones.

Thank you, Berlin.

Thank you, life.